Do what you say, Say what you mean
Submitted by: Doug Warburton

I utilize different actions for different things and every parent will do what they deem is suitable to "fix" the problem. I once lived with a mother of a young girl and the girl would never clean her room. She would make her mother clean it for her. This was unacceptable to me and I made it known. I told the mother that she would never have to clean her daughter's room again.

She wanted to know how I would make this become a reality. I informed the daughter, who was 4 1/2 yrs old at the time, that she had until Wednesday to clean her room. Books on shelves, cloths picked up and put away and her bed to be made. That was the way I was brought up, so it seemed that she should learn some of the same things. I then informed the daughter that if things were not done, I had Wednesday off and would simply put everything into trash bags and move them to the curb!

Wednesday came and the room was still a complete wreck, and I mean tornados has been thru there!! She had only two outfits that were on hangers, everything else was on the floor. The toy box was empty and all her toys were on the floor or on her bed. They left for the day, mom to work, and the daughter to daycare. I proceeded to get my "Hefty" trash bags and went to work. I then took all the bags and placed them in our storage closet on the porch.

5pm rolls around, and here they come. The daughter is basically peeling things off as she works her way to her room. She rounds the corner and stops dead in her tracks. It was like the Grinch who stole Christmas! There was not much left in the room! She got so upset, and her mother looked at me and asked "You really didn't did you?" Of course not, but I was not going to let the daughter know.

I walked into her room and sat on the floor and asked her to sit with me for a minute. She did, and as we talked, I told her that I would go out and see if the Truck had come by yet. I went to our storage and pulled out one bag. I walked back into her room and told her that her things were still there, but I was not sure if I heard the truck coming to empty the dumpster so she better hurry! One bag after another was put away, nice and neat and quickly too! She made her bed, with a little help!

While she was getting the last bit put away, I went to the kitchen and got three glasses of milk and some graham crackers and put them on a plate. I put the milk and snack outside the door of her room. I then asked her mother to come in the room to join us to see what her daughter had accomplished. We entered the room and it was so clean! I sat down on the floor with her mother and asked the daughter to open her door and look down around the corner because I had put something there and forgot to bring it in. She did and found our snack. She brought everything in and sat next to me.
 
As we ate our crackers and drank our milk, I asked her what she thought of her new room? She told me she really liked it and that it was so nice. I asked her if she thought if it would be nice to have it be like this all the time and she said yes, and gave me a hug and I hugged her back and told her how proud I was of her and that she did a great job!

I never, ever had to ask her to clean her room or make her bed and her mom finally stopped having to always clean her room. She was becoming a responsible child, and she was proud when family and friends would come over and compliment her on how clean her room was and that her mother and I must be so proud that she was a big girl!

Stick to your guns, and don't fold when handing out punishment. The child(ren) has to know that we as parents are holding them accountable for what they have done and that we will follow thru with our decision. No ifs, no butts! If you have to go for the butt, don't do anything out of anger, but out of concern. Be gentle, but firm. Be loving. No matter how a parent executes discipline, we never like it, or at least shouldn't.

I know that when I have to put my foot down and say no, I really want to buckle and say yes and give them kisses and hugs. But that would defeat the purpose of righting the wrong they have done. If it is something they have done only once, well be gentle. If it continues, it needs to be addressed.

One last thing to add is that what you do and how you handle things will be seen by the little people around you. Try to make sure that you do what you say and say what you mean. No matter what it is, they learn from us, if we all try to do the right things, then they will too!