Can fathers win custody?
Submitted by: Kevin Chertkow

It has been said many times over a father cannot win custody of their children or he must prove the mother "unfit". Well, that is not always true, however, a father will have to work extra hard to present a viable case to get around the stigma that a mother's love is best for children. When they say "a mother's love," they mean to be nurturing.

Nurture
n
1. the act or process of promoting the development, etc., of a child
2. The act of bringing up.
3. care; help in growing or developing.

vb
1. to educate or train
2. to encourage the growth and development of (a child, plant etc).

Many men lose because they are just not willing to pay what it costs, or do what they must do to persuade the system they should have custody and men cannot get away with doing the same things women do. You have to present yourself as somebody worthy of having custody. You may need to cut your hair or give up that Corvette and get a car suitable for the transportation of children,or shave off a beard to make a better impression. If your job doesn't provide adequate hours for child care, you may need to get a new job so you can be available for your children.

One of the most important questions you have to ask yourself is why are you seeking custody of your children? If you're thinking about trying to get out of child support because you don't want to give your ex money for the next undetermined amount years, forget about it, you've just lost. Child support is not giving your ex money, although if may feel that way. Child support is providing money for your children to ensure they won't go hungry, naked, or without a roof over their head. If the child's needs are not being met with your child support, then you may have a different case, but that's for a different article.

If you truly feel the care you do and can provide is in the absolute best interest for children, then you may have a chance. Everything in a custody battle revolves around "what's in the best interest of the children." It will need to be proven, so how you feel what's in the best interest won't go far.

Here are some points to consider if you have to go through a custody battle:

• Look up your state's criteria for determining custody. Hunting for them can be extremely tough, but too many times parents not realizing they have a gold mine of opposing behaviors right in front of them to use and never had the insight to apply them to these factors.

• Courts love people that are very exact. To get the court and the judge to see you as a considerable father, you need to document everything and be exact. Write down things like when have the children been with you, what have you done with them and if they tell some information or issues about your spouse, write that down too. This way, when you are in court you can always just look things up and say, "Well, I have documented here..."

• The court is to consider whether you are the parent who will facilitate the other parent's relationship with the child. So, you should bend over backwards to facilitate custody in the other parent. Remember a child needs a mother just as much as a father. It's not a punch card for who spent more time with the children. It's what you do with the time you have that can make the difference.

• Modest housing that is clean and neat is what most custody judges will expect. Even if you must rent a less than perfect abode and the opposing parent has that "nice house in the country," adequate sleeping areas, and good housekeeping will keep you on equal footing. Basic hygiene and cleanliness are key here. Judges are swayed by pictures of dirty homes, overflowing litter boxes, and dingy appearances.

• If you move out of your child's school district, the opposing parent can argue that custody is best kept with them, so the child can retain the same friends and teachers. This can be a powerful argument, and if the custody case is otherwise a close one, this could make or break the case. You should try to find housing in the same school district if you are the parent leaving the marital house.

• Be careful if you're deciding to start new relationships during a custody battle. It can influence the relative strength of your case. Bringing in a new relationship can help or hurt your chances to be successful in winning your case. Courts will look to see if you checked the new person out carefully, and entered your new relationship with your children's best interest in mind. It is possible to have a relationship with someone who will cause you to lose your case. Taking time before cohabitation will show the court that you're taking the children best interest to heart and not your own desires. If possible, finding a way to slowly work a new person into the child's life will maximize your position in a custody case. Cohabitation too soon is never a good idea.

It is always a good idea to do lots of research on this issues. Consult with your lawyer and never lose your temper at anytime. Never forget that as hard as it is for you to go through a divorce, it's three times harder for your children. Keep a good open dialog with them and never rule out a counselor to help them through emotions they just don't know how to express or maybe feel they can't go to their parents because they don't want any more fighting. Lots of hugs will be needed so do some extra push-up to keep up your strength.

Most of all, be the adult. A calm, mature, logical dedication to what you feel is best for your children will go ten times farther than bickering, name-calling, he-said/she-said, etc., with a judge. If you cannot handle a tough situation with your ex-spouse, a judge will quickly see that you cannot be depended upon to handle a tough situation with a child. If the ex wants to spew venom in court against you, let it go. Have your facts, your documentation, and the rest of your ducks in a row. Nothing is a sure thing, but you can stack the cards in your favor better by taking the high road every time.